meganbeth.com

Here I am. It’s been a rough couple of months, and the lack of blogging is mostly related to my mood: sad and overwhelmed. A lot has been placed on my plate, and whether I want it or not, it remains. And as selfish as it is, I feel that I am too young to be dealing with this. This is not how I pictured my life. This is not what I thought I needed to be prepared for. But unfortunately the option to give up, is not an option. We must move forward, and somewhere along the way I got placed in the front. I want my old life back, but everyday I am reminded that this is my new reality. I’m not going to lie, I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed. I’m scared.

How I wish my days were consumed with watching the faucet drip.

I sat on the floor as the glow of the television illuminated the living room. With a super early morning ahead, I was trying to fit everything in my suitcase. Because well, when you bring seven pairs of shoes…it’s a art form, packing, that is. My nerves were in a giant ball of stomach aches, and Alberta kept telling me that everything would be okay. But…what if everyone can see the ‘I’m a nervous loser’ written across my forehead? And what if no one wants to hang out with me? And what if I can’t find something I like to eat and STARVE FOR FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT? She assured me that I was overreacting, but let’s be real, they were valid questions.

When we woke up early the next morning she packaged homemade banana bread into a tupperware for me to take and eat if I couldn’t find something for breakfast. Who brings their mothers’ homemade banana bread to Vegas in a tupperware? This girl. It was an ingenious idea and it calmed my nerves for that minute and I carried on. When I crossed the threshold and stepped on the plane my stomach was in my throat, there I was leaving everything that I am comfortable with, behind. After I arrived at the MGM, oh some 13 hours later, I went through my suitcase to find my clothes for the evening. And in that suitcase, there were several miniature pink post-it notes handwritten from my mom, “Learn Lots, Have Fun, Love you!” My nerves calmed, and I carried on. There I was, across the country, with a little comfort from home.

Turns out, I did indeed have fun, learned a lot, and met some new friends, while I was in Vegas, and spent the entire weekend back trying to catch up on sleep. And before I left, I insisted we eat at In n’ Out Burger for the third time in my life, but who’s counting.