It is undoubtedly the elephant in my room. And many days I don’t feel as if he is just in the room, but sitting entirely on my left shoulder. The pain is just that unbearable. I try to keep smiling hoping that if I smile long and hard enough the pain will just wash away, and take my anguish out into the ocean forever. Hoping no one will have ever noticed.
How does one prepare for this? Is there a course in seeing one of your family members sick. Because I guarantee if there is, I’d fail it. I keep telling myself that if I cry while I’m in the shower it doesn’t count, it negates it…cause it’s all water…cause I AM STRONG and CAN HANDLE IT.
Last night when I left my dad’s house I hugged him, just as I always do when I leave, but this time something different happened. He kissed me on my head. Just as he used to when I scrapped my knee, when I was struggling in school, and when he tucked me into bed with a tiny blue Tupperware full of Cheerios. One tiny little gesture took me back to a gazillion memories, a million flashbacks of when my father was not sick. When he was the dad, and I, I was the child. And as soon as I stepped out the front door onto the step, I wept. I wept for the livelihood that he has been robbed of. I wept for his passions, like sailing, that have been taken right from under him. I wept for the eloquent writing he once so thoroughly enjoyed. I wept for the father who has been taken from me, and is trapped inside a body that won’t respond. I am running out of steam, without the option to give up. I just want my old dad back, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Through all these storm clouds that have been lingering, I have learned one thing: don’t take life for granted. Love the ones you love. And love them with absolutely every ounce of your being. Life is just too precious not to.
And here we are: ‘the Core Group.’
Beautiful Post. And its so true… you have to love with all your heart and appreciate your loved ones every second you have with them. Life IS too short to live any other way. Thoughts are with you from RI : )
Megan, That was so beautifully written…I couldn’t help but well-up with each line that I read. I’m so sorry for all that your Dad and your family are going through. But please know that you have so many of us sending our positive thoughts and prayers your way! And as Cindy said, your Dad must be so proud to have a daughter as caring, sensitive, and loving as you.
Megan you are wise beyond your years….and you have given your dad the greatest gift….a daughter who loves and appreciates him!!!
PS I like the shorts, they are soooo “our generation”
Those madras shorts are hot.
Understand completely Megan. I am going through a similar situation with both my aging parents and there are few words that work or fit.
Bob
You are all so lucky to have each other. This is beautifully written from the heart. Love you, Meg.